Pushed to the Edge- (Just let me vent!)

*Sigh*
I love all my children! (really..my kids..not the soap opera) But each and every one of them has their "thing" that pushes my buttons. Well yesterday, they all decided to push that button and I was, well, pushed to the brink. Warning - some of this content is gross!

Jackson - wakes up kicking the door. I mean kicking the door like you think someone is breaking it down. No sweet call for "mama" - just a rhythmic loud BANG, BANG, BANG... and repeat until I get him. He does this in the morning and again when he wakes up from nap.

Mikayla - screams at the top of her lungs and cries over little things. Definitely the epitome of crying wolf. I warn her that someday she will be REALLY hurt and nobody is going to come running because she always screams over little things. One example of this yesterday, she was playing with model magic and was using some of the playdoh tools to make masterpieces. All of the sudden I hear a screaming and crying like the world is coming to an end. She runs up to me, all disheveled. I ask her what happened. She can't even talk, she is that worked up. I look her over and don't see any outward signs of trauma. I have her sit on the couch. After a couple minutes (not an exaggeration) she calms down enough to speak. "I broke my *sniffle* cookie I was making *sniffle* for you and now it is ruined. AHHHHHHHH!!" *screaming and inconsolable crying resume* That's it? No broken bones? No bumps? No bruises? Nope...just a ruined piece of model magic that is designed to be cut and torn and shaped and then reworked to become something else. I tell her she can make another one and she says she doesn't remember exactly how she made the last one. I have her cleanup and go to her room. Of course, she was asleep in less than 5 minutes. As is usually the case, this behavior is exacerbated with tiredness. But I refuse to let her use that as an excuse!

Ryne - not his fault and definitely the most benign annoyance. He is exhibiting natural behaviors for his age. But how many times a day can I dig stuff out of his mouth? Particularly dog food. It's time to find a new location to feed the dog. I just haven't come up with a good option yet.

Jackson & Payton together - they (not sure which one but I think it's Jack) has figured out a way to defeat the "child-proof" cabinet locks. We keep snacks and individually wrapped stuff for Jordan's lunches in a lower cabinet. I confiscated about 30 packs of Doritos, chips, pretzels, granola bars, fruit snacks, etc from the twins yesterday. Some of the times, they were gnawing at the chips from the outside of the packet. Yummy! I can't wait to open those bags. Chip crumbs anyone? I might as well just store this stuff on the counter. Now wait, they have figured out how to get the stool, open it up, climb up, and reach onto the counter also. Basically, no place is safe and unless I want my cups and dishes in a lower cabinet, I have no choice.

Payton - ok so here is where it gets gross. Payton hates clothes and is constantly undressing herself - including her diaper. Most of the time she keeps her diaper on. But there is the occasional, find Payton naked moments. Yesterday I go get the twins up from their nap. (Jackson's BANG BANG BANG indicates they are awake.) I walk up the stairs and the pungent smell immediately annihilates my nostrils! Whew! Somebody pooped. I open the door and the sight and smell is beyond disgusting. Payton is naked, a poopy diaper laying in the middle of the floor. Poop is smeared all over the window and curtain, dresser and door, bed sheets and bed railing slats and is worked into several spots of the carpet. Jackson is fairly clean, except for that one goop of poop that is acting like glue in his hair. Payton on the other hand is covered in poop, some of which has begun to dry and looks like dried mud. All over her belly, legs, 2 clumps in her hair, her one foot, and then...perhaps the grossest - her fingernails look like she painted them with poop. UGH! This is not the first time she has done this...but it is perhaps the most expansive episode. I have 10 minutes before I have to leave to get Jordan off the bus. I get the worst of it off of them, throw the linens in the washer with lots of bleach, get Jordan, and resume the cleaning.

Jordan - by this point I've had enough of poop. Since I have the bath/shower train running, I decide to give Jordan his bath before dinner. He takes off his clothes and I find his underwear - streaked with poop stains. I have had the 'wipe until the paper is clean' speech two times already this week and had to throw away 1 pair of underwear. He's so shy and humiliated at this issue he can't even describe to me what the problem is. So I'm not sure how to help him. I've had Darin demonstrate. We tell him use lots of paper and flush each time to not clog the toilet. We have flushable wet wipes in every one of our bathrooms. But I think this happened at school and they don't have wet wipes. Perhaps I should try to arrange for that to happen. I know he's not alone. In fact, the other day, one little girl got off the bus wearing a different shirt than what she went to school wearing. Her mom asked what happened and she loudly and proudly said that she pooped and when she was wiping she got poop all over her shirt. Her shirt?!? Ok..so maybe Jordan is doing better than some. So I know he isn't alone in this problem. My one friend doesn't even let her kids try to wipe, she does it for them. But that doesn't change my frustration and wanting to help fix the issue. And someday he will hate me for having record of this! Sorry, man! I love you!

So I'm pretty frazzled by this point. Dinner hasn't even been started and it's now almost 7pm. Darin, of all nights, worked late. So the kids had hot dogs, chips, apples and milk for dinner. Darin got home around 8:15pm. I think I fell asleep by 9:30. This morning I was awakened with the *Boom Boom Boom* I open the door to the twins room. Payton is again, naked. Thankfully it was only a pee pee diaper, but the clean sheets were off her mattress and the mattress was in shreds. She tore the white plastic off of the mattress?! How long was she awake?

So I'm off to get a new mattress and duct tape. I swore I would never resort to that, but it's a lot more sanitary! Payton will have her diapers duct taped at nap and bedtime. Then I get to go to work tonight to clean up adult poop. Yes! I can't wait =)